Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Rocky Weather

A friend casually mentioned in an e-mail about the this'n'thats of daily life, "The only weather instrument that I really trust is my weather rock."

I had heard of pet rocks, moon rocks and rocks for jocks, but never a weather rock. Apparently it is the trustiest weather indicator there is, outside the Farmer's Almanac, which is good because a rock wouldn't fit inside the rather thin publication.

Again, I may be a little late on picking up on popular culture, but for those of you who do not know of the predictive powers of the weather rock, follow along:

The Weather Rock is the ONLY 100% guaranteed indication of weather ! ! ! !


First -- Observe the rock for motion

The Rock is not moving- 0-3 MPH light breeze
The Rock is moving slightly - 4-10 MPH Mild wind

The Rock is moving in a small arc - 11 to 20 MPH Wind
The Rock is moving in a medium arc - 21 to 40 MPH Wind-Gusts to 50 MPH
The Rock is standing off to one side by 15' - Gale Force Winds
The Rock is standing off to one side by 30-45' - Big Blow Coming
The Rock is standing off to one side by 60'-Hurricane!!
The Rock is standing at 90'-Tornado!! Get to a root cellar! Take Toto!
The Rock is bouncing up and down-Earthquake !!

Second - Touch and Look at the Rock

The Rock is cold, dry and easy to see- Clear, Fair Weather, it's Cold
The Rock is cool, dry and easy to see- Overcast Weather
The Rock is warm, dry and easy to see- Clear, Fair Weather
The Rock has a shadow - It's sunny
The Rock is hot & dry and easy to see - Clear Weather, It's Hot
The Rock is warm and white - Chase the birds away
The Rock is cold, wet and easy to see-It's a cold, wet, day-Dress warm
The Rock is wet on top and dry on the bottom- It's Sprinkling
The Rock is cool,wet, and easy to see-It's raining. Get your poncho.
The Rock is dripping on all sides-Its a downpour-Too late for poncho
The Rock is warm, wet and easy to see-Its a summer shower, Have fun
The Rock is hot, wet and easy to see-What're you doing at the Equator?
The Rock is cool, damp and looks milky- Its foggy, be careful.
The Rock is cool, wet and looks milky- Its foggy and raining
The Rock is cold, white and hard to see- Its snowing
The Rock is cold, iced & wet & easy to see- Its sleeting
The Rock is cool, dry, and hard to see- Its Night, go to bed.
The Rock is underwater- Look for a bearded man loading animals on a funny boat ! ! !
The Rock is has melted and the rope is vaporized- It is a Volcanic eruption
You see two or more rocks - Check the coffee!

Third - Smell the Rock

Get down on your hands and knees, smell each side of the Rock. One side will smell musty. That side will have some moss one it. This is the North side of the Rock and you are looking South. On your right is West and on your left is East.

Fourth - Taste the Rock

Tasting the Rock is no longer recommended by the National Office due to health reasons. See the Designated Rock Taster for help.

Tasting the Rock may, for example, indicate conditions such as acid rain; in which case the Rock will taste bitter.

Fifth - Listen to the Rock

Sounds coming from the Rock indicate a number of conditions.

The Rock may be haunted
You may be haunted
You may be spending too much time working on your ticket; Relax!
This may indicate an earthquake and you should leave the area immediately.
The Rock is talking-The weather is fine-you're not!!
Although you can build your own - there are many weather rocks around the country ! ! !

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