Vacant Seat in the State of He-'da'-'ho

My lifetime experience is that men never speak to one another or even make eye contact in a public bathroom (except in the drunk tank known as the men's room at any professional sports stadium). So how does one communicate? We have learned this week, courtesy of Sen. Larry Craig, R-He'da-ho, that light-loafer tapping is the way to go.

Larry Craig is just one of the pieces of shit that can be found in any men's room most people frequent for what the police report refers to as "its intended use." This rabid right-wing Republican rabble-rousing Rovian "god, guns and gays" stooge has devoted a life of lies to denying equal rights to gays, women and minorities.

No one cares if a public official is gay, like Craig, or a toe-sucking masochist submissive like right-wing Trent Lott adviser Dick Morris who now tells lies for Fox News. But if you vote for or write legislation that applies to everyone but you, then you are worse than a hypocrite. You are are worset than a self-hater. You are worse than a liar. You are a Republican.

Craig's news conference on Tuesday had a hilarious opening. "First I want to thank you all for coming out," he told the press, which he later blamed for his predicament. Then he repeatedly claimed, despite 40 years of evidence to the contrary, that he is not gay and never has been. The end of the news conference brought a chuckle, too, as someone called out as Craig turned to leave, "Well, what if you were gay?"

As a husband and a father (albeit of stepchildren), Craig may not consider himself gay. But he didn't say he never had a homosexual encounter. Someone with more knowledge of gay culture may dispute me, but it seems to me that being gay or lesbian means you are sexually involved with members exclusively of the same sex as you. Craig, clearly, is bi-sexual -- a word that never escaped his not-even-pretty mouth.

What he did say is, "I am not gay. I never have been gay." Well, Larry, that may be, but pretty soon you will be saying, "I am not a senator." And good riddance to a guy who brought this upon himself 25 years ago by holding a news conference to say he is not gay -- despite the fact no one said he was.

A move exceeded only by former one-term Sen. William Scott, another brilliant Republican, who after he was named "King of the Dumb" by a magazine rating the brains of Congress, held a news conference to deny he was dumb.

Here, courtesy of Slate,is a re-creation of what happened when that airport stall was more than an aviation incident.