Abstinence of Malice

For 12 years you have been eligible to fight and die for your country. For 11 years you have been voting. For eight years you have been legally drinking. For four years, if you are a single man, you have been paying less in car insurance.

But Good Ol' Uncle Sam thinks you are too young to have sex unless you are married.

USA Today reports that the administration's waste of millions of dollars on abstinence-only education targeted at teenagers actually extends to adults up to age 29.

It is hard to fathom on any basis, other than domestic Talibanism, what this "personal responsibility" administration has against adult sexuality, sex education in general, legal and safe abortion and pregnancy prevention through the "morning-after" pill.

One might think conservative Republicans either don't want people enjoying a fundamental part of a healthy life or are afraid that too much unapproved sex might lead to more Democrats.

The government's own statistics find that more than 90 percent of people in their 20s have actually engaged in sex, so these new grant guidelines are less of an abstinence initiative and more of a "spitting into the wind" program.

It would be interesting to hear the opinion on these new guidelines directly from the chief executive officer of the federal government, who next Sunday will celebrate the anniversary of his wedding at age 31.

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He seems to busy to comment on that these days, traveling around the country with a different message: "Vote Republican or die."

Not that I would ever be accused of being partisan, but let's look at the election next week this way. If you were Osama bin-Laden, who would you rather have in power? A party, many of whose leading candidates have actually gone to war and which has to prove its security credentials? Or a party that represents utter incompetence at fighting or even FINDING you and creates discord at home and around the world?

Clearly, then, a vote for Republicans for Congress is a vote for Osama bin Laden, Bush's doppelganger in terror.

Want proof? Bush announced today -- one week from the election -- that his friends, the Chinese Communists, have persuaded the axis-of-evil crowd in North Korea to come to the nuclear negotiating table. Just in time to make the American booboisie think again about how competent the Republicans are at preserving world order.