Monday, January 19, 2009

Inaugural Droppings – VI

Dear Mr. President-elect:

You are annoying the hell out of language purists by repeatedly talking about the “enormity” of the challenges ahead.

And you have relegated me, a white male with no obvious disabilities to the broad category of a “not.” Repeatedly. As in:

But I also believed something else. I believed that our future is our choice, and that if we could just recognize ourselves in one another and bring everyone together - Democrats, Republicans, and Independents, north, south, east and west, black, white, Latino, Asian, and Native American, gay and straight, disabled and not - then not only would we restore hope and opportunity in places that yearned for both, but maybe, just maybe, we might perfect our union in the process.

When you make your speech tomorrow, please do not ask us to “go forward.” You already committed this verbal atrocity during a campaign interview in which you said, “Going forward, some … may decide my FISA position is a dealbreaker.” (God damn, retire “dealbreaker,” too!)

That phrase, and its bastard descendents, is perhaps the most sickening cliché of the year 2008, and one that marks users as baffled bureaucrats, mealy-mouthed morons and nincompoop newscasters.

To wit(less):

“It’s a clear-cut indication he can maintain a .300 batting average going forward.”

“A lot depends on what is going forward.”

“The issue going forward is how this will affect investors.”

“It has to be their strategy going forward.”

“It’s a big reason I can do the things that I can do going forward.”

“That’s why Speaker Pelosi chose not to allow impeachment to go forward.”

“There will be cold weather going forward.”

“From the standpoint of going forward, I think that’s a good plan.” (What? A ‘plan’ actually contemplates ‘forward’ motion as opposed to a ‘backward’ plan?”)

Finally, Mr. President-elect, I have one hope for your first term. After praising John McCain and Dick Cheney, after deciding to keep Guantanamo open for a year and troops in Iraq for longer than that, after visiting troops and uknown dead soldiers as if you were your predecessor, I am not asking you to start acting like a liberal.

I am pleading with you to start acting like a Democrat!

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