D.C. Droppings -- II

Jump Like a Fish, Jump Like a Porpoise,
All Join Hands and Habeas Corpus

Article I, Section 9 of the Constitution, which I have been accused of never reading, declares:

“The privilege of the Writ of Habeas Corpus shall not be suspended, unless when in Cases of Rebellion or Invasion the public Safety may require it.”

This idea is enshrined, encased, imbued, impressed, mashed and stamped into the papyrus King John signed in 1215 and is one of the more fundamental safeguards of freedom in the Western world.

Here, however, is a colloquy between Bushitler’s Minister of Justice, Alberto Gonzales, and the ranking Republican member of the Senate Judiciary Committee, Arlen Specter:

Gonzales : The fact that the Constitution -- again, there is no expressed grant of habeas in the Constitution. There's a prohibition against taking it away. But it's never been the case. I'm not aware of a Supreme . . .

Specter : Wait a minute. Wait a minute. The Constitution says you can't take it away except in case of rebellion or invasion. Doesn't that mean you have the right of habeas corpus unless there's an invasion or rebellion?

Gonzales : I meant by that comment, the Constitution doesn't say every individual in the United States or every citizen is hereby granted or assured the right to habeas. Doesn't say that. It simply says the right of habeas corpus shall not be suspended except . . .

Specter : You may be treading on your interdiction and violating common sense, Mr. Attorney General.

A Crowning Achievement in Product Placement

Anyone waste his or her time watching the State of the Union address Tuesday night? If you stayed with it till the end, you would have seen Bushitler praising the entrepreneurial spirit of one Julie Aigner-Clark, the “brains” behind the Baby Einstein phenomenon.

It stands to reason that Bushitler would know nothing about Einstein the scientist or Baby Einstein, the fad and the scam that promotes videos and other products for toddlers with the promise of making them smart. (Aigner-Clark is smart enough; she sold her idea to Disney.)

Everything everyone knows about child development points to the fact there is no shred of evidence that Baby Einstein or “the Mozart effect” has any educational value whatsoever. In fact the American Academy of Pediatrics and other experts says that kids under 3 watching TV is probably harmful – something that Jerry “Teletubby” Falwell will swear to.

The Publican in Chief

So Bushitler tried to be nice to the new majority in the House. The text of his State of the Union address said, “I congratulate the Democratic majority.” Except, like Dr. Strangelove being unable to control his Nazi-saluting right arm, Bushitler actually said, “I congratulate the Democrat majority.” This is a sure-fire way to get the bipartisanship he lies he wants.

This formulation, begun at least by Dick Nixon and perfected by Bob “Four Democrat Wars in This Century” Dole, has been repeated for so long and with such venality by Republicans that it has wormed its way into news stories.

For the grammar- and sensibility-impaired, “Democrat” is a noun. “I belong to no organized party; I am a Democrat.” “Democratic” is an adjective. “I sometimes contribute to the Democratic party. To use “Democrat” the way Bushitler and his lingwaffen do sounds the same siren in the night as references to the “the Jew lawyer.”

Let’s just start calling it the Publican party after the Roman tax collectors. It's the nicest thing I can think of at the moment.